Thursday, June 21, 2012

Never Loose Your Sense of Humor

I was cleaning my room tonight, and I found a book full of letters from random people that was given to me on my 13th birthday. Most of them are from close friends, and family. I came across the one that my grandmother wrote. As I started to read it of course tears started coming to surface. It talked about how much they loved me, how proud they were, and so much more. I came across one thing in the second paragraph, it said "never loose your sense of humor, you'll have more fun in life and not get so bogged down with serious stuff." And it made me think about a lot of things that has been going on in my life. After my grandmother passed 2 yrs ago i started to loose that sense of humor, nothing I did was fun anymore. Not even the sports that I loved to play. It has taken so long for me to realize that I actually did loose my sense of humor. I mean I wasn't like a comedian or anything, it was just your simple humor. As I continue to read this letter all I wanna do is cry, but I don't because I know she's in a way better place than here now. Yes, it's really hard to handle and accept that, but it's all a part of life. When I come to the end of the letter its talking about the future and how she's giving me advice on some things. It's amazing that I have the privilege to have a letter like this. But the big thing is I need her now more than ever, and she isn't here anymore. So much stuff that has happened within the past 6 months let alone the past two years, I've hardly been able to handle any of it. I've been to the point of just screaming at the top of my lungs because I can't handle all of things going on. I left the church I grew up in for 17 yrs, and I think if she was here I would have never even considered leaving. The thought would've have never crossed my mind, none of the stuff that has happened to me there would've happened at all! I think that a lot, but at the same time I know that there's a possibility that it could have happened with her there. Now probably not the extent of it, but I do believe that it could have. She quoted scripture in the letter it was out of Psalm.."Delight yourself in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit you way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." -Psalm 37:4-5. As i read that verse I think about my life. Am I trusting Him? Have I committed my way to Him? That verse really makes you take a good look on your life. I'll be honest my relationship with God isn't at the strength it should be, but I'm working on it. I'm not perfect, I'm human, and I'll be more than glad to admit that. If I was perfect I wouldn't be me!  It has taken me two years to finally be able to be myself again. I was scared of being myself. I don't know why, but I was. It was like I was hiding, but what would I be hiding from? The world? Failure? It could have been anything in the world. Another way it felt was like I was like a turtle, scared to come out of my shell because I didn't know how to live and be myself or on my own! If that makes sense? Now that I have came out of my shell, I keep becoming the person I am supposed to be. Even if it involves doing stupid things along the way. But that's because I'm human. I'm gonna make a million mistakes before I get everything right. And honestly, I doubt I will get a lot of things right. But what I'm getting at is NEVER loose who you are. Always show who you are, no matter who you are around. It's one of the most important things in life is to trust God, commit to Him, and of course be yourself. Don't be scared of the world. Yes, it seems really scary but it's not that bad. Just go and live your life the way God desires you to. Remember Psalm 37:4-5, and my personal favorite Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." 

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