Tuesday, November 30, 2010

What Do I Know of Holy?

I wrote this on Oct. 1st, 2010. The title came from a song I heard in youth one night. Still every time I hear this song I just want to cry my eyes out. It's such a powerful song! It's by Addison Road.

I listen to this song called "What Do I Know of Holy". It has me thinking what do I know? What do I know about who put me in motion? It has me crying and getting everything that I put in the back of my head to the front where I can see it! It doesn't make sense how one song can do all that. But maybe one it will make sense. So what do I know of holy? Anything at all? It's like I know the same old, same old stuff but I want to know more. Why is it when I try to talk to God I always have whats going on the next day or the week before? Am I focused or just not listening? Or am I trying to hard? How is it I trust you and know that everything is in your hands but yet I don't come to you? I just don't understand. It's so easy for me to not say anything at all about things, but then I go write them all down instead of going to you. And here I am doing it again. Whats wrong with me? I feel different then all the others in my youth group. Why? I always seem to ask "why" a lot. I always ask questions. Do I get my answers? Not all the time, but who does? I feel afraid, scared to know the truth. Maybe that's it. I will probably find out sometime. But this is just the truth about how I feel on somethings. Hopefully, I can get over this and move on and grow closer to God. Like I am right now. There are some powerful things going on at my church. It's UNBELIEVABLE and AMAZING!

Back to normal? Well, maybe not.

I wrote this on June 25th 2010. Right before my sister's 12th birthday. I had a lot on my mind since her birthday was the very next day.


After a while you would think that you would go back to normal. Like have the same routine, i guess? Sit, hang out, and talk to the same people. But it doesn't happen like that. Nothing is going to be the same. Think about it, how are you going to go back to doing the same old thing you were doing before everything happened? When something major happens like losing a loved one that you saw all the time. How do you get through those day or the times your just having a rough day? Do you just lie around all day and be in a bad mood? What if your one of those people who think if you say their name around certain people that thier going to start crying, do you just not talk about that person infront of them? Even if they say it's alright. It's because you feel uncomfortable talking about them. Bit the question iswhen or willyou ever get back to having a normal like? Maybe so! I guess nothing will go back to being completely normal. It'll be different at first. But it's like your getting to start over..Finding a new life. Trying new things that you've never done before. It can be fun and exciting! But, also kinda hard. You can get through it though.