What Do I Know of Holy?

I wrote this on Oct. 1st, 2010. The title came from a song I heard in youth one night. Still every time I hear this song I just want to cry my eyes out. It's such a powerful song! It's by Addison Road.

I listen to this song called "What Do I Know of Holy". It has me thinking what do I know? What do I know about who put me in motion? It has me crying and getting everything that I put in the back of my head to the front where I can see it! It doesn't make sense how one song can do all that. But maybe one it will make sense. So what do I know of holy? Anything at all? It's like I know the same old, same old stuff but I want to know more. Why is it when I try to talk to God I always have whats going on the next day or the week before? Am I focused or just not listening? Or am I trying to hard? How is it I trust you and know that everything is in your hands but yet I don't come to you? I just don't understand. It's so easy for me to not say anything at all about things, but then I go write them all down instead of going to you. And here I am doing it again. Whats wrong with me? I feel different then all the others in my youth group. Why? I always seem to ask "why" a lot. I always ask questions. Do I get my answers? Not all the time, but who does? I feel afraid, scared to know the truth. Maybe that's it. I will probably find out sometime. But this is just the truth about how I feel on somethings. Hopefully, I can get over this and move on and grow closer to God. Like I am right now. There are some powerful things going on at my church. It's UNBELIEVABLE and AMAZING!