Things We Can't Explain

Why her? Why now? Why my family? I keep asking myself those questions. As much as I tell everyone that I'm okay, am I really okay? Or do I just keep lying to them or to myself? But what I know is that it happened and it happened for a reason. As hard as it is I have to live with it. It's just so hard to believe it really happened, even though i was in the hospital for two weeks..But as I sat there in the waiting room for hours I just kept thinking "she's gonna make it" and "how did this happen? she was perfectly fine." But I guess that's all a part in life. I got bounced around a lot during that time, I felt like a baby being passed around to different people to see who could get me to stop crying. I went to friend's houses and church and hung out with different people almost everyday. But now I kinda regret going to those places when I could have been there with her. But I can't go back and change it. I was at those places to keep me away from the sadness of certain people and from the things I would have to hear when I wouldn't be ready..I went to my friend Allie's house for two days and I had fun but I can't tell you what we did now. It's like everything that went on in that whole month of March I can't remember, it's all a blur. I also went to my best friend Hannah's house and there I thought i would be able to let go of everything that I was feeling and carrying around with me. But I guessed wrong. I kept a straight face the whole time, even though I felt depressed and upset with the world. I got through it...But I guess what I'm thinking about here is, will I ever be the same person I was before all this happened? Who knows? I kinda like the new me, but at times I don't. I don't laugh at things I used to laugh at, I just simple think its stupid and a waste of time. But what I have learned is that "Everything Happens For a Reason" as much as we hate to believe it, it's true.