New Way To live

Getting older is about growing into the person your meant to be. And sometimes the hardest things are the right thing to do. But why is it when you make that decision you feel like its the wrong thing to do. Is it because you've been at it so long? Or because you don't really wanna change something that you've always done, because your sacred of what other people may think. Why question everything you do? So what if other people judge you for it. It's your life and your making it yours. The people that are judging you are most definitely the people you don't need to be around. Their the ones being unchristian. Your the one following your path which is what were told to do. But why are those people saying things that false about you and spreading lies and other things. Is it because their jealous? That's always a possibility. But if that isn't the case, then what is? I'm so tired of feeling like I'm being talked about behind my back by my so called friends. You would think if they actually cared about you, they wouldn't be stabbing you in the back, constantly. Is leaving the issue as it is and never coming back to it, the right thing? I ask myself that question constantly as i get older. I think escaping the issue will help you at times. But other times you need to face it. No matter what it is you did or didn't do, its always better to face the problem that is there. So your not having to come back to it. What if you keep giving those people second chances, and nothing is happening. What do you do keep trying? What if the stuff they did to you they don't even care that it hurt you. And the stress of all of it is making you sick. How do you handle that? You pray, and rely on God to help you through this rough time in your life. He will lead you to the right decision to make. Once you've prayed you feel so relieved. But you might start to second guess yourself after you made that decision to keep on going, or to stop. Then you know you need to trust God, cause he is the one telling you that what your doing is right for you. He wants us to be happy. But we all seem to forget that. We all get carried on in our lives that we forget the true meaning of things. And we decide to do everything on our own. Which is the biggest problem this world has. We all need to stop relying on ourselves, and start relying on God. He is all we need! We don't need fame, money, and many more things if we have him. He's the one keeping us here. So overall what I'm getting at is that we need to trust God in the things he is choosing for us. We may not like them, but its best if we keep our mouths shut and just follow. To end this I'm going to quote a friend of mine. He told me that this is how he's starting to live "Make decisions in life that will not only affect you, but that will show others that you have a passion in everything you do." -Levi Tucker. So with that being said live life how God wants you to.

We All Have A Story

We all have a story. We all want to how it ends. With a happy ending or something else? Can we skip to the ending just to see a part? Author of the moment can you tell me, do i end up happy? Those thoughts always cross your mind at some point in time. you know your future is up God and yourself by the choices you make in life. you have to make the right choices to end up happy. and do you do that? well that's easy. you ask God into your life and to forgive you. but that part is easy, but you can go back to the way you were before so easily. so you have to make a commitment to God and yourself. saying that you want to live the right way and no other way. yes, its going to be hard but trust in God and in yourself and you can do it! read your bible, journal, and pray! all of this seems so easy, but believe me its not. its like being on a team that wants to win! God is your coach he wants you to succeed in life with him in your life. the prayer, journal, and reading your bible are drills to make you a better person. and it makes you a winner.

Starting Over

My birthday just passed. It wasn't a very big emotional day, thankfully. I mean I have moments where I wanted to cry and all but I never did. People say that crying helps is that really true? I guess it depends on who the people are. Like for me I keep people out of my personal life, even my parents at times. And you can't do that. You need that person that you can tell everything to and know that their not going to look at you weird and think your crazy. Their just going to let you vent and then they'll say what they think. Sometimes its not really what you want to hear at that time and other times it's like its perfect timing. And as I sit here writing this I keep thinking that its time for me to put down the walls that I've built over the years and let people in instead. Yes, it's something I need to work on and it's going to take a while. But at least I'm trying. I have no idea why I ever built walls to keep people out and why I never talked to anyone about how i feel. Normally things would happen during basketball and I would take out all my feelings on the court. I'm not able to do that anymore. I have no idea why? It is probably because I'm not the same person I was last year. I've made big changes in my life, and I'm still making changes..It's like I'm starting over. One of the most hardest things is starting over. It's not like I'm starting over in different city or country, I'm starting over in the same house, city. With the same friends around that have known me for years. Which makes it even harder. But it'll be for the best to start over and change the way I act.

Comfort?

At youth one night we were told to picture God and what we thought Heaven would look like. And when I did I saw a huge throne and God sitting there and he pointed down beside him and there standing beside him was my grandmother smiling at me. She came over and gave me the biggest hug, and it wasn't like a normal hug it felt different. Like she was really there just holding me. Then next the thing you know everything that i saw and felt was gone. Just like in a blink of an eye...I don't know why it happened and then just went away like it did? It still confuses me. But maybe one day it will make sense? And if it doesn't that's okay, I guess? But time will tell. I do wish it did make sense.

What Do I Know of Holy?

I wrote this on Oct. 1st, 2010. The title came from a song I heard in youth one night. Still every time I hear this song I just want to cry my eyes out. It's such a powerful song! It's by Addison Road.

I listen to this song called "What Do I Know of Holy". It has me thinking what do I know? What do I know about who put me in motion? It has me crying and getting everything that I put in the back of my head to the front where I can see it! It doesn't make sense how one song can do all that. But maybe one it will make sense. So what do I know of holy? Anything at all? It's like I know the same old, same old stuff but I want to know more. Why is it when I try to talk to God I always have whats going on the next day or the week before? Am I focused or just not listening? Or am I trying to hard? How is it I trust you and know that everything is in your hands but yet I don't come to you? I just don't understand. It's so easy for me to not say anything at all about things, but then I go write them all down instead of going to you. And here I am doing it again. Whats wrong with me? I feel different then all the others in my youth group. Why? I always seem to ask "why" a lot. I always ask questions. Do I get my answers? Not all the time, but who does? I feel afraid, scared to know the truth. Maybe that's it. I will probably find out sometime. But this is just the truth about how I feel on somethings. Hopefully, I can get over this and move on and grow closer to God. Like I am right now. There are some powerful things going on at my church. It's UNBELIEVABLE and AMAZING!

Back to normal? Well, maybe not.

I wrote this on June 25th 2010. Right before my sister's 12th birthday. I had a lot on my mind since her birthday was the very next day.


After a while you would think that you would go back to normal. Like have the same routine, i guess? Sit, hang out, and talk to the same people. But it doesn't happen like that. Nothing is going to be the same. Think about it, how are you going to go back to doing the same old thing you were doing before everything happened? When something major happens like losing a loved one that you saw all the time. How do you get through those day or the times your just having a rough day? Do you just lie around all day and be in a bad mood? What if your one of those people who think if you say their name around certain people that thier going to start crying, do you just not talk about that person infront of them? Even if they say it's alright. It's because you feel uncomfortable talking about them. Bit the question iswhen or willyou ever get back to having a normal like? Maybe so! I guess nothing will go back to being completely normal. It'll be different at first. But it's like your getting to start over..Finding a new life. Trying new things that you've never done before. It can be fun and exciting! But, also kinda hard. You can get through it though.

A Part of Life

The hardest things in life always come when you least expect them to, and you have to make out with what you can of the situation. Sometimes it will be and other times it could be easy, but is life ever easy? You could go from having everything going great to everything going down hill by one little thing that happens. Like having the best family, friends, boyfriend, and grades. And then something like losing a loved one one happens and from there your whole world just got turned upside down. What can you do about it? You can talk to friends and see what they have to say about whats really going on in your head about everything that has happened..But they won't give you the strength that you need to get through it, but God will. And so that's when you go somewhere and just pray and ask for the strength to get through the day and to get through everything else..It helps, I promise! But bad things happen its just a part of life.