Thursday, June 6, 2013


Life's like a novel. You don't always know how its going to end. The next page is always a surprise with something you didn't expect..Some days i lose my place and its a fight to keep my faith. When my heart is hurt too much. Feels like I've reached the end.  But I won't turn and run, this battle inside me will be won....

Have you ever felt like this? I know I have countless times. Honestly there's always a battle going on inside you. You feel like you're being torn in two different directions. One way looks like the right way to go, but in reality its not. Because its not the direction God wants you to go. In all honestly, its hard to to follow the direction you're meant to go. If you look at it your friends may be going one way, and God is pulling you to go a completely different direction because he has a path for you to follow. Yes, it's your choice to follow it. But he's still watching you and keeping you safe even if you don't go the way he wants you to at that time. It all happens for a purpose. Sometimes its people in your life, or jobs, or just anything. God has a plan for each and every one of us. But here's the thing, we have to trust and follow. Yeah, that can be extremely hard. Especially in this day and time. We all want to fit in with the "popular crowd", or have a ton of friends. Each and every one of us goes through this at some point in life.. I mean after all it's life. 

In 1 Timothy 4:11-14 its says  11 Command and teach these things. 12 Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 13 Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. 14 Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

This verse really speaks towards teenagers. But I believe a lot of us just glance at this verse and just continue on with how we are living our life at the time. I'll be the first to say that I've not lived my life according to this. But, God still have a plan for my life. No matter how bad i screw up with anything and everything he will ALWAYS be there with arms wide open, just waiting to catch you and help you back up. He is the reason we are here. He is keeping us together, and alive. We all need to start living like what the verse says. Yes, I know actually living that way will be hard, because you will judge and people will try to bring you down. But that's trust comes in place, and you just give it all to him and he will handle. He will always be there to hold your hand, to be that shoulder to cry on, to just be your friend. He wants to be your friend. Yeah, you've heard that many times I understand because so have I. But it's the truth. You won't always have the same friends that you have now. Everyone has a different plan for their life. It's just a way of life. People come and go all the time. Not just in regular activities, but in church as well. We just have to learn to trust God in what he's doing at this time. Because he's not trying to hurt us. He's trying to help. I've been there when stuff like that has happened to me. And, I'm glad that i listened and trusted God with the decisions I've made in my life. I wouldn't be the person I am without him. What I'm trying to say, is to Stand for what you believe. Because times are getting tough. Life is getting harder. Pain is becoming more painful than before. But trusting God during all this HE will get you through it. You don't always know how the book will turn out with just looking at the outside of it. It's always filled with surprises, good and bad. Don't ever judge a book by its cover. Because you could be judging your life at the same time. 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Living Right

Thinking a lot lately and reflecting on the past year and about all the choices I made whether right or wrong. We all make wrong decisions and right ones, we're not perfect. Simple as that. In the past year so much in my life has changed most for the better and some seemed to have been temporary. I graduated, got a new job, started goin to a new church, lost friends, and then went back to the church I started at. Crazy, huh? God did all that in my life for a reason, don't know why but it doesn't really matter. I believe he lead me to a new church so I could meet new people who have had so much impact on my life the last couple months, and for the transition my old church was going through. He saved me from the emotional pain that I could have received from what was going on. And now as the transitions are still happening to an extent I am back where I started. And honestly, coming back now was the best time. Not because wow got a new pastor, or the fact that th youth pastors were leaving! But because God knew it was time for me to come back, not exactly sure why yet but I will find out. Because this year I am growing stronger, trusting, believing, and learning more about God! That's my goal is to become a strong woman in faith so that.I can witness to people so that they will want to be more like him!  Our pastor preached Sunday on "Building Solid Lives in 2013". He challenged us to challenge ourself to grow stronger in our spiritual life, and to start out with just a relationship with Christ! But honestly the way I'm looking at it as is I have a relationship but its not a friendship or anything like that, its more of just a acquaintance... Yes, I know that sound bad! But you got to start somewhere. What's crazy is the fact that I've been going to church since I was a baby, but that doesn't mean I've made the right choices or lived like I should have! And I'll be completely honest. I haven't lived for Christ. I'm not pleased with myself for that, but I can't change the past I can only live for the future now. And my future will be filled with joy, happiness, and faith with a relationship with God that I am going to works on for the rest of my life. Another thing about what my pastor preached about on Sunday was the 3 basic materials to build a solid spiritual life: prayer, bible reading, and last but not least journaling. With those 3 things you will be on your way with an amazing way to start your new year, your faith, and believing in God! I challenge this to whoever is reading this to do this with me! Just commit yourself to God that you will follow his word everyday and live by it! So others will see the joy in your life and will want the same thing! Be a light in this world, and spread the word by living by it! Don't forget the most important thing, pray, and read your bible and soak in his word. Don't just read it and say you are living by his word when you aren't even trying to understand it and learn what you become! That's all for my preaching of the night! Ephesians 2:10 is a great verse about this. It talks about letting your life be the canvas and God is the artist painting your life it's going to be! Remember that! I'm gonna close this out with a prayer,  and I hope that when your reading this that you will also pray with it! " Dear Lord, I want to thank you for dying on the cross for my sins, and forgiving me for it everyday. Lord I pray that as I start to learn more about you that you will give me the strength to not give and not  let down! Amen"

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Church Familes

It's been months since I've been to the church I grew up in. But I'm going tomorrow. I'm not sure why I'm going, I already have a church that I love! It doesn't make sense. I wanna go to see my grandpa, but i feel like that isn't the only reason I'm going. And what's worse is I'm scared to death to go. After everything that I've been through there, why would I wanna even step into that place again? I keep asking myself that. But I can't seem to find an answer. I feel like I wanna go there to prove a point that I'm happier now that I left. But that can't be it. That's just selfish beyond belief.  So I'm laying here at 1:30am typing, and trying to think things through. Am I doing the right thing?? Or should I find a way to get to my church?? I feel like it'd be good to go to church with my family for a change. But at the same time this church isn't my family anymore. They haven't been in 2 yrs. It hurts so much to think of what I have been through and have lost everyone of those people that I knew there. No one talks to me except one person and even with them I feel like that their just trying to be nice, but I know them well enough to know that ain't the cause. I'm not going to know hardly anyone there, and I get to deal with somethings. Don't know what they could be, if they happen. But I'm ready. And I'll tell it straight up how a church is supposed to be. And if your wondering I'll tell you.

A church is supposed to be a family. Always there for one another, no matter what. They don't judge you by the clothes you wear, the way you talk, and most importantly your past that they don't even know a thing about. And see that's what i have learned by going to the church I've been going to recently. I love it there. No one knows my past, they don't automatically ask a 100 questions about my life. They wanna get to know me for who I am now, and not who I was. I mean i coulda had the best life ever, but they don't care about my past, they care about my future and my walk with God. That to me is a church. That's not just a church, that's a true family.. Therefore it's a church family.

I'm 18 years old, I left my church to start fresh and with a better walk with God. And it's been the best thing I have ever done.

In 1 Corinthians 12:14 it says "For the body does not consist of one member, but of many." When I read that it reminds me that I have found my family in Christ at this church. It tells me that this is where I belong. I have never wanted to do the things I wanna do with this youth group. I'm definitely coming out of my comfort zone, and I've only been going there full for about 5 months. It's amazing what God can do in your life in that short amount of time. And put the people you need in your life. Which I am so thankful for. I'm so glad I got to make friends with so many people this summer going to that church, and the relationships are so strong. And they love me for ME! And that's a amazing fact now a days.

To end this I just wanna ask that you continue to pray for me as I'm getting older and growing more in love, and strong in my faith. I just wanna be able to continue in that which I know I can, it's just nice to have people praying that  I'm going the right direction! Thanks!

And thanks for taking the time out of your day to take a look at this little confusing post. Remember to stay positive, and pray about everything you do, and follow the path God has laid out for you, as he has for me.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Never Loose Your Sense of Humor

I was cleaning my room tonight, and I found a book full of letters from random people that was given to me on my 13th birthday. Most of them are from close friends, and family. I came across the one that my grandmother wrote. As I started to read it of course tears started coming to surface. It talked about how much they loved me, how proud they were, and so much more. I came across one thing in the second paragraph, it said "never loose your sense of humor, you'll have more fun in life and not get so bogged down with serious stuff." And it made me think about a lot of things that has been going on in my life. After my grandmother passed 2 yrs ago i started to loose that sense of humor, nothing I did was fun anymore. Not even the sports that I loved to play. It has taken so long for me to realize that I actually did loose my sense of humor. I mean I wasn't like a comedian or anything, it was just your simple humor. As I continue to read this letter all I wanna do is cry, but I don't because I know she's in a way better place than here now. Yes, it's really hard to handle and accept that, but it's all a part of life. When I come to the end of the letter its talking about the future and how she's giving me advice on some things. It's amazing that I have the privilege to have a letter like this. But the big thing is I need her now more than ever, and she isn't here anymore. So much stuff that has happened within the past 6 months let alone the past two years, I've hardly been able to handle any of it. I've been to the point of just screaming at the top of my lungs because I can't handle all of things going on. I left the church I grew up in for 17 yrs, and I think if she was here I would have never even considered leaving. The thought would've have never crossed my mind, none of the stuff that has happened to me there would've happened at all! I think that a lot, but at the same time I know that there's a possibility that it could have happened with her there. Now probably not the extent of it, but I do believe that it could have. She quoted scripture in the letter it was out of Psalm.."Delight yourself in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit you way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." -Psalm 37:4-5. As i read that verse I think about my life. Am I trusting Him? Have I committed my way to Him? That verse really makes you take a good look on your life. I'll be honest my relationship with God isn't at the strength it should be, but I'm working on it. I'm not perfect, I'm human, and I'll be more than glad to admit that. If I was perfect I wouldn't be me!  It has taken me two years to finally be able to be myself again. I was scared of being myself. I don't know why, but I was. It was like I was hiding, but what would I be hiding from? The world? Failure? It could have been anything in the world. Another way it felt was like I was like a turtle, scared to come out of my shell because I didn't know how to live and be myself or on my own! If that makes sense? Now that I have came out of my shell, I keep becoming the person I am supposed to be. Even if it involves doing stupid things along the way. But that's because I'm human. I'm gonna make a million mistakes before I get everything right. And honestly, I doubt I will get a lot of things right. But what I'm getting at is NEVER loose who you are. Always show who you are, no matter who you are around. It's one of the most important things in life is to trust God, commit to Him, and of course be yourself. Don't be scared of the world. Yes, it seems really scary but it's not that bad. Just go and live your life the way God desires you to. Remember Psalm 37:4-5, and my personal favorite Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

New Way To live

Getting older is about growing into the person your meant to be. And sometimes the hardest things are the right thing to do. But why is it when you make that decision you feel like its the wrong thing to do. Is it because you've been at it so long? Or because you don't really wanna change something that you've always done, because your sacred of what other people may think. Why question everything you do? So what if other people judge you for it. It's your life and your making it yours. The people that are judging you are most definitely the people you don't need to be around. Their the ones being unchristian. Your the one following your path which is what were told to do. But why are those people saying things that false about you and spreading lies and other things. Is it because their jealous? That's always a possibility. But if that isn't the case, then what is? I'm so tired of feeling like I'm being talked about behind my back by my so called friends. You would think if they actually cared about you, they wouldn't be stabbing you in the back, constantly. Is leaving the issue as it is and never coming back to it, the right thing? I ask myself that question constantly as i get older. I think escaping the issue will help you at times. But other times you need to face it. No matter what it is you did or didn't do, its always better to face the problem that is there. So your not having to come back to it. What if you keep giving those people second chances, and nothing is happening. What do you do keep trying? What if the stuff they did to you they don't even care that it hurt you. And the stress of all of it is making you sick. How do you handle that? You pray, and rely on God to help you through this rough time in your life. He will lead you to the right decision to make. Once you've prayed you feel so relieved. But you might start to second guess yourself after you made that decision to keep on going, or to stop. Then you know you need to trust God, cause he is the one telling you that what your doing is right for you. He wants us to be happy. But we all seem to forget that. We all get carried on in our lives that we forget the true meaning of things. And we decide to do everything on our own. Which is the biggest problem this world has. We all need to stop relying on ourselves, and start relying on God. He is all we need! We don't need fame, money, and many more things if we have him. He's the one keeping us here. So overall what I'm getting at is that we need to trust God in the things he is choosing for us. We may not like them, but its best if we keep our mouths shut and just follow. To end this I'm going to quote a friend of mine. He told me that this is how he's starting to live "Make decisions in life that will not only affect you, but that will show others that you have a passion in everything you do." -Levi Tucker. So with that being said live life how God wants you to.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

We All Have A Story

We all have a story. We all want to how it ends. With a happy ending or something else? Can we skip to the ending just to see a part? Author of the moment can you tell me, do i end up happy? Those thoughts always cross your mind at some point in time. you know your future is up God and yourself by the choices you make in life. you have to make the right choices to end up happy. and do you do that? well that's easy. you ask God into your life and to forgive you. but that part is easy, but you can go back to the way you were before so easily. so you have to make a commitment to God and yourself. saying that you want to live the right way and no other way. yes, its going to be hard but trust in God and in yourself and you can do it! read your bible, journal, and pray! all of this seems so easy, but believe me its not. its like being on a team that wants to win! God is your coach he wants you to succeed in life with him in your life. the prayer, journal, and reading your bible are drills to make you a better person. and it makes you a winner.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Starting Over

My birthday just passed. It wasn't a very big emotional day, thankfully. I mean I have moments where I wanted to cry and all but I never did. People say that crying helps is that really true? I guess it depends on who the people are. Like for me I keep people out of my personal life, even my parents at times. And you can't do that. You need that person that you can tell everything to and know that their not going to look at you weird and think your crazy. Their just going to let you vent and then they'll say what they think. Sometimes its not really what you want to hear at that time and other times it's like its perfect timing. And as I sit here writing this I keep thinking that its time for me to put down the walls that I've built over the years and let people in instead. Yes, it's something I need to work on and it's going to take a while. But at least I'm trying. I have no idea why I ever built walls to keep people out and why I never talked to anyone about how i feel. Normally things would happen during basketball and I would take out all my feelings on the court. I'm not able to do that anymore. I have no idea why? It is probably because I'm not the same person I was last year. I've made big changes in my life, and I'm still making changes..It's like I'm starting over. One of the most hardest things is starting over. It's not like I'm starting over in different city or country, I'm starting over in the same house, city. With the same friends around that have known me for years. Which makes it even harder. But it'll be for the best to start over and change the way I act.