Church Familes

It's been months since I've been to the church I grew up in. But I'm going tomorrow. I'm not sure why I'm going, I already have a church that I love! It doesn't make sense. I wanna go to see my grandpa, but i feel like that isn't the only reason I'm going. And what's worse is I'm scared to death to go. After everything that I've been through there, why would I wanna even step into that place again? I keep asking myself that. But I can't seem to find an answer. I feel like I wanna go there to prove a point that I'm happier now that I left. But that can't be it. That's just selfish beyond belief.  So I'm laying here at 1:30am typing, and trying to think things through. Am I doing the right thing?? Or should I find a way to get to my church?? I feel like it'd be good to go to church with my family for a change. But at the same time this church isn't my family anymore. They haven't been in 2 yrs. It hurts so much to think of what I have been through and have lost everyone of those people that I knew there. No one talks to me except one person and even with them I feel like that their just trying to be nice, but I know them well enough to know that ain't the cause. I'm not going to know hardly anyone there, and I get to deal with somethings. Don't know what they could be, if they happen. But I'm ready. And I'll tell it straight up how a church is supposed to be. And if your wondering I'll tell you.

A church is supposed to be a family. Always there for one another, no matter what. They don't judge you by the clothes you wear, the way you talk, and most importantly your past that they don't even know a thing about. And see that's what i have learned by going to the church I've been going to recently. I love it there. No one knows my past, they don't automatically ask a 100 questions about my life. They wanna get to know me for who I am now, and not who I was. I mean i coulda had the best life ever, but they don't care about my past, they care about my future and my walk with God. That to me is a church. That's not just a church, that's a true family.. Therefore it's a church family.

I'm 18 years old, I left my church to start fresh and with a better walk with God. And it's been the best thing I have ever done.

In 1 Corinthians 12:14 it says "For the body does not consist of one member, but of many." When I read that it reminds me that I have found my family in Christ at this church. It tells me that this is where I belong. I have never wanted to do the things I wanna do with this youth group. I'm definitely coming out of my comfort zone, and I've only been going there full for about 5 months. It's amazing what God can do in your life in that short amount of time. And put the people you need in your life. Which I am so thankful for. I'm so glad I got to make friends with so many people this summer going to that church, and the relationships are so strong. And they love me for ME! And that's a amazing fact now a days.

To end this I just wanna ask that you continue to pray for me as I'm getting older and growing more in love, and strong in my faith. I just wanna be able to continue in that which I know I can, it's just nice to have people praying that  I'm going the right direction! Thanks!

And thanks for taking the time out of your day to take a look at this little confusing post. Remember to stay positive, and pray about everything you do, and follow the path God has laid out for you, as he has for me.

Never Loose Your Sense of Humor

I was cleaning my room tonight, and I found a book full of letters from random people that was given to me on my 13th birthday. Most of them are from close friends, and family. I came across the one that my grandmother wrote. As I started to read it of course tears started coming to surface. It talked about how much they loved me, how proud they were, and so much more. I came across one thing in the second paragraph, it said "never loose your sense of humor, you'll have more fun in life and not get so bogged down with serious stuff." And it made me think about a lot of things that has been going on in my life. After my grandmother passed 2 yrs ago i started to loose that sense of humor, nothing I did was fun anymore. Not even the sports that I loved to play. It has taken so long for me to realize that I actually did loose my sense of humor. I mean I wasn't like a comedian or anything, it was just your simple humor. As I continue to read this letter all I wanna do is cry, but I don't because I know she's in a way better place than here now. Yes, it's really hard to handle and accept that, but it's all a part of life. When I come to the end of the letter its talking about the future and how she's giving me advice on some things. It's amazing that I have the privilege to have a letter like this. But the big thing is I need her now more than ever, and she isn't here anymore. So much stuff that has happened within the past 6 months let alone the past two years, I've hardly been able to handle any of it. I've been to the point of just screaming at the top of my lungs because I can't handle all of things going on. I left the church I grew up in for 17 yrs, and I think if she was here I would have never even considered leaving. The thought would've have never crossed my mind, none of the stuff that has happened to me there would've happened at all! I think that a lot, but at the same time I know that there's a possibility that it could have happened with her there. Now probably not the extent of it, but I do believe that it could have. She quoted scripture in the letter it was out of Psalm.."Delight yourself in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit you way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." -Psalm 37:4-5. As i read that verse I think about my life. Am I trusting Him? Have I committed my way to Him? That verse really makes you take a good look on your life. I'll be honest my relationship with God isn't at the strength it should be, but I'm working on it. I'm not perfect, I'm human, and I'll be more than glad to admit that. If I was perfect I wouldn't be me!  It has taken me two years to finally be able to be myself again. I was scared of being myself. I don't know why, but I was. It was like I was hiding, but what would I be hiding from? The world? Failure? It could have been anything in the world. Another way it felt was like I was like a turtle, scared to come out of my shell because I didn't know how to live and be myself or on my own! If that makes sense? Now that I have came out of my shell, I keep becoming the person I am supposed to be. Even if it involves doing stupid things along the way. But that's because I'm human. I'm gonna make a million mistakes before I get everything right. And honestly, I doubt I will get a lot of things right. But what I'm getting at is NEVER loose who you are. Always show who you are, no matter who you are around. It's one of the most important things in life is to trust God, commit to Him, and of course be yourself. Don't be scared of the world. Yes, it seems really scary but it's not that bad. Just go and live your life the way God desires you to. Remember Psalm 37:4-5, and my personal favorite Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."